The Hurt is Worse than the Pain

Why did I choose to label the title as such? Because there are many levels of suffering that only the individual can comprehend. There are physical types and emotional/mental types. Both are equally as terrible as the other depending on the person. For me emotional torture is worse than the physical pain that I must endure in my life. "Sticks and stones may break my bone, but words really hurt me". The things that are said to me tear my soul apart and send me into this endless darkness which I tried to from all the time. It disappoints me that these words come from the very people who should be my top supporters. I feel like I'm at my ends again relapsing into a world of fake utopia. Pretending to be perfect to please them; it makes me sick to my stomach. The emotional whiplash is painful enough for me to block out any feelings in general and it feels as if I'm dead. In order not forget that self inflicted pain is my pleasure. I hate myself because I can not stop myself. I wish I could die without any attachment to this world.